The REAL Deal: Dr. Lee’s 'Bachelor' Dating DO’s and DON’Ts

Episode 8: Sucker Punched—or Sucker? (Inspired by Don’t Sleep With Him Yet: A Badass Guide to Dating in 10 Empowering Steps)

DO stand up to emotional manipulation. In this week’s Bachelor episode, one of Peter Weber’s former girlfriends, Merissa Pence, approached him during a hometown date with Victoria Fuller to warn him about her. (The two women apparently are in the same friendship circle but are no longer friends.) Merissa told Peter to “be careful,” repeatedly adding, “You’re a great person and I don’t think you deserve that.” (Pejoratively referring to Victoria.) Peter’s ex also reported that Victoria had caused many relationships to break up. While the latter bombshell clearly hit Peter hard, the real sucker punch came when he confronted Victoria with Merissa’s claim, and she attempted to turn things around and make him feel badly about bringing it up! Specifically, Victoria responded to Peter’s concerns with, “I’m like just disgusted right now. . . . There’s nothing to f---ing say,” and this clincher: “You literally came in here to act like that! Are you kidding me?!” She even told Peter to “Get the f---k away!” when she walked off and he followed her to talk. Instead of addressing Peter’s distress, however, Victoria exclaimed that it’s she that “can’t catch a break”! That’s exactly what emotional manipulators do: they avoid conversations they don’t want to have by trying to make it seem like they’re the one being harmed. (Victoria used the same tactics in a prior episode when Peter expressed confusion about her behavior toward him, and she accused him of “always being in a ‘mood.’”) But this time Peter stood his ground, at least for the moment, anyway. Notably, he called Victoria out on her reaction and didn’t meet her family, as planned.

BUT C’MON PETER:

DO NOT be a sucker! The fact that Peter didn’t send Victoria home means that he’s willing to give her a chance—AGAIN. (Granted, even if he wasn’t feeling it with Kelsey, he could have sent them both home.) But really, when someone verbally attacks you and walks away when you bring up a legitimate concern—and this keeps happening—how can you possibly consider them as spouse material? Unless Peter’s true reality is that he secretly wants Victoria to hang around for fantasy suites, but not much more. (After all, empathy, intellect, sense of humor, kindness, etc. sorely appear MIA for Victoria—but she does have sex appeal to boot.) If my hypothesis proves correct, the real question (to be determined) is: Who’s really “suckering” whom?!
SIDE NOTE: Emotional manipulators are just one of several categories of seriously flawed men discussed in Step 3 of Don’t Sleep With Him Yet, but unfortunately there are many women out there (cue Victoria Fuller) who fit the bill as well.
(Note: For Real Deal Bachelor Dating DO’s and DON’Ts Episodes 1-10, visit Facebook @Don’t Sleep With Him Yet/The Book or Instagram @DrNancyLee)